Whatever Way Our Stories End
by lizteroid
Summary: A look into the diary of Linda Abbott when she returns to Everwood.
1. The Return

_**Linda Abbott; Whatever Way Our Stories End.**_

I look over and see him, the famous Dr Andy Brown. He doesn't look that much to me, but there's something about him you could say…he's…handsome, rugged, has a charming smile…I'm new to this town, well I'm not new but a lot of people here are new, I don't know them, including Andy Brown, a lot of the people here look at me as if I'm the new person, when in fact I'm one who's returning. Coming home after spending some six years away from home. A lot of people have come and gone from Everwood, from home…but looking around I still see the life that always lived here, the spirit of the town. That day I came home, I wandered over to the old station, it's the surgery now, Andy's surgery. I still felt the spirits of all those people who had passed through that building over the years I had lived here, and the many before I had been born. The station smelled off travel, countries and dust. Dust from the feet that had walked across lands far from Everwood. And that was when I saw him.

"Andy, this is my daughter!" my mother had swiftly introduced us as I had been removing the oversized backpack from my body. I had smiled to him, looking at him politely as my mother had wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace, it had been too long since I had been in those arms. I saw how Andy watched us, I felt pain from him, like something was missing from his life. I was right, I'd found out later on when I had reunited with Harry, Rose and the kids that Andy had lost his wife, Julia.

I believe in this man, this Andy Brown. He's a single dad, a son and daughter. I know he's a good father, I can sense it from him. Their family may not have the best set up, but they're all happy with what they have. Of course unless I don't include Delia, Andy's pre-teen daughter. She seems to have a thing about me being around her father, I can understand though, she just lost her mother and I think she sees me as a threat to him, she's scared I could try and get my hooks into him, marry him and she and Ephraim would be forgotten about. That would not be the case. I know I would never let a father forget about his children and I couldn't take him away from his family, I'm not worth it.

**November 2004.**

Today is the day I moved into my new place, just a short drive from home and work. Everything's only a short drive away in Everwood anyway. My mother helped me pack some of my things into boxes in the garage but it was Andy who helped me with the moving of my belongings, my Buddha's. I know what people in this town think of me for having my beliefs in the Eastern medication and age old therapies of acupuncture but they do work and I do practise them. I will practise them even though Harry doesn't approve or Andy doesn't like the acupuncture pins or Louise, our receptionist doesn't like the scent of Ylang Ylang that I burn during a session. No, I'm not one for listening to judgements being passed against me, I believe in freedom of right and soul.

So Andy and I were unpacking and we took a break, I'd opened my bottle of Merlot and he had laughed cause I hadn't unpacked my glasses yet, so we had to use mugs. We sat in front of the fireplace and he asked me what was in the box. My keepsake box. I'd hesitated, but I did show him. My favourite childhood story, a picture of Harry, mom, dad and me in front of the station before mom had to go to Vietnam and a picture of Matt and I in Guinea. I miss him, I often think of him when I'm alone, I look to his picture and remember our time together before his life ended. I think I'd made a mistake in showing my personal things to Andy because he saw I got upset and he tried to kiss me…I walked away from him. I'm just so scared of anybody catching this…disease from me.

Andy apologised and we had dinner together, some traditional Chinese food. I made rice and dumplings, ordered some duck and sui mai and we just sat. We talked about the mountains and Colorado and snow. I wanted to get to know Andy, his family and what he was really like behind that arrogant, egotistical doctor façade. He was just like Harry but…he had life, a good one. I looked over Andy and I could see how much he wanted love and gave love. He spoke of his wife Julia and how they'd been perfect, their kids and their home, he had nothing but wonderful, generous words to say about her and Ephraim and Delia. I wanted to help him. Help Andy get some of his love back, for him.

tbc.


	2. Getting To Know You

**That Day…2004**

Today was the day I had to tell Andy. I had to tell him about my condition, I couldn't keep it from him, Harry had confirmed that for me. Although my brother hated the fact that I could actually like Andy Brown, he wanted to see me happy, and if Andy would make me happy, then Harry could live with it. He wanted me and needed me to tell Andy about my HIV. And so, today I told him. After the endless surge in presents and gifts, I had told him to stop and I wasn't interested in him, but the truth was…I was. I was indeed so very interested in Dr Andrew Brown. It wasn't fair to keep it from him, Harry was right, Andy had the right to know about it, so he could decide for himself if he still wanted to be interested in me.

Andy came over by choice. He brought his guitar with him and he sat outside my house on my bench while he sang for me. I'd been drying off my dishes when I'd heard him there. Singing a love song. His voice was…special. He was special, to me. I looked out through my window to see him there and so out I went to him. I sat down in the grass and I listened to him sing, smiling up at him. Just smiling and I knew then I had to tell him about the HIV.

It was horrible. I started off confident that I would get it all out, but then I saw his eyes. Those eyes just staring blankly back at me while I told him what had happened while I had been out in China. His eyes on me, I felt my throat tightening up as I tried to continue telling him. I wasn't strong enough and I broke down, just after I managed to get it all out and Andy found out about it. I couldn't help it and I curled myself up into a ball in the grass, my knees tucked up and I cried as I held tightly to them as Andy stayed on that bench and couldn't think of anything to say to me. And then I felt his hand on my hair, the shuffling of his body along the bench and finally his arms around me as I cried.

I thought he would run. Run away from me and not be there. That he wouldn't be able to cope if he got in too deep with me and his feelings, and if he lost me like he'd lost Julia, it would destroy him. I would have felt so guilty if that had been the case, but Andy stayed. He stayed with me and held me like I had held that child back in China. I felt like that child, alone for so long, carrying around the burden of that disease with me, with nobody to talk to about it, I hadn't been able to talk with anyone about it because the people around me in China had all been taken from me, being killed or disappearing. Here, back home in Everwood, I had found someone I could talk to and share my feelings with, someone who wasn't afraid of the disease inside my body but cared for me, because the HIV wasn't who I am.

**Thanksgiving 2004.**

So, it's that time of year again…the pumpkin patch and the fir tree farm. I always get my fir two days before thanksgiving, so it can be perfectly decorated to Linda Abbott standard. Of course, that's always been a good few notches below Rose and Harry's tree decorations. But as long as the tree is nice, I don't mind. So I was at the tree farm today and Andy was there, coincidentally…anyway, I saw Delia first and she was a little nicer but not, Ephraim is always, Andy was right when he said his son was the fun one, Ephraim is lovely, he smiled at me and then Andy came over to me. We stood in the middle of all these pine trees, just talking and well, I was talking Andy listened until he pulled me to him and our lips met…it was the first time in three years I hadn't thought about my disease, about someone catching it. I felt alive, free.

Feeling Andy's lips on mine as we stood in the snow was magical. I couldn't believe it was me he was kissing, it felt so good and yet I felt guilty. Guilty on Delia because Andy had promised her that he'd never date me, ever. And I felt responsible for him breaking that promise to her, especially when he asked me over for Thanksgiving dinner at their house. I'd be invading their personal space. Surely though if Delia saw her father happy, shouldn't she be happy too? For him…? Ephraim didn't seem to mind my company, he'd just lost his mother too. Maybe Delia didn't want me to hurt her father, if he got too involved me and I got too sick…no I shouldn't be thinking about getting ill, I'll be fine, I know it. So, I agreed to dinner with the Brown's. My own fir tree would be alone this Thanksgiving in my new house. But I wasn't complaining…not when I got to spend my holiday with Andy…

So during the dinner, Delia wouldn't talk. She just made her fork chase her peas and mash around her plate. It was uncomfortable and when Andy asked if I wanted more wine, Delia flew off the handle, cursing and storming out of the room. I could feel Andy's humiliation from her outburst and I could still hear her words racing through my mind as the heat in my cheeks drained away.

_'You broke your promise dad! You're gonna get drunk have sex!'_

I couldn't help but think if that's what Andy had been planning or what, but somehow I wish it had been the case. I wish I didn't have to be careful around people or make sure that I had no open wounds when I was performing surgery, or kissing Andy. I wished that Delia was right and Andy had asked me, it would have all been easier. But life isn't easy, life isn't happy and it isn't fair. It's messy and tainted and deliberate…

After dinner, Andy had humbly apologised for Delia's reaction, and I just let it go. I should have said I would talk with her, put her straight on where I stand with her father a relationship with him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I was scared of a nine year old. The nine year old daughter of the man who means everything to me, and who will mean everything to me for years to come. No matter what happens.

**tbc.**


	3. I Still Blame The Snow

**Christmas Eve 2004.**

So today is Christmas Eve, I woke up to see snow and hearing kids running by in the street, I had to smile for a few moments until it hit me that I'd never be able to hear my own children's laughter in the snow or take them on their first day of school, or give $5 when they lost their teeth. I'd be alone for Christmas for the rest of my time, no children of my own or no husband, hearing those bright laughs from the kids outside put my life into perspective. But all of that changed when I got a call, it was Andy, he'd broken me from my reverie and it was to ask me would I like to spend the evening with them as he knew Christmas Eve and the morning of Christmas wouldn't be too jolly over at Harry's or mothers…so I gratefully accepted his kind offer.

And so I got to the Brown's house just before the time Andy had given me to arrive, I had been out shopping all day and bought them gifts, I didn't like to turn up empty handed so I brought along a little dessert too and some wine. It had been Delia who'd first answered the door and slammed it in my face until Ephraim came along and apologised for his sister's behaviour and allowed me inside their home, all the time, Delia sat on the stairs and glared at me until her father called her to set the table. Watching Andy with his kids made me think of dad with Harry and I while mom was away in Vietnam. Andy's a brilliant dad, no matter what anybody around here says about him.

And so the presents were exchanged between the Brown's and I. I let Andy give his gifts first, to his kids and then let them give theirs to him before he turned to me and smiled, I held up my gifts for them as I smiled back to him, and gave Delia hers first, then Ephram's and finally Andy his. I watched them open their things and the smiles all round, I had finally gotten something right that Delia happened to like. Andy looked back to me again and he gave me a small box. I'd opened it and found a number of things inside; a jewellery set, a small key and a little note. I went to lift the note but Andy stopped me, I looked to him and he had a sort of smirk across his face.

After Delia had went to bed and Ephram had gone to visit Madison, Andy and I had lay on the sofa just talking a little, listening to the carols on the radio with our candles and mulled wine. It was only then, he'd asked me to open the note as he stood up and left me on the sofa, while he took off to his room to which I learned he locked. The key he'd given me was for his bedroom. And the note had just simply said; _Join me._ which I did, with the key once I learned that it was for his lock.

I entered his room and saw him laying on the bed, looking to me, smiling coyly, I was puzzled I had to admit. Though, we'd spoken about this, and we'd established he wasn't afraid of the HIV and I wasn't afraid of anything bad happening, we'd done _it_ before but his expression was just...melting me, making me go weak at the knees. I neared the bed and he told me to lock the door, so I did and then turned back to him, he still had that look. That look was daring me to inch closer to him, and I did, smiling back at him before I got onto the bed with him. As soon as I was there, he kissed me, pulling me close to him…

**Christmas Morning 2004.**

I woke up in Andy's arms to the sound of his door being rattled and Delia outside calling for him. I smiled and looked to the ceiling for a moment as I felt the tenseness in my muscles throughout my body before I looked to Andy, still sleeping. I kissed him and he woke, so I told him that it should have been the other way round. Him kissing me and being like a Sleeping Beauty. He did call me a beauty though and I'd blushed as he was pulling on his joggers and sweater to open the door as I cleared away the foil wrappers from last night, still blushing as Delia rushed in and jumped up for Andy to lift her and take her downstairs. I smiled to her and pulled on my robe over my pyjama's before following them down.

**January 2nd 2005.**

Sorry I didn't write sooner, everything's been so hectic lately. I was a little ill, but other than that, Andy and I have been having the best time we could possibly have. He's been looking after me and his children, I never wanted him to have to have this responsibility because I don't like to push it into someone's hands, it's not right but Andy doesn't seem to mind about it. He tells me everyday that he doesn't care and that he loves me. He makes me weak at the knees. I notice my entries here are getting shorter, well that's because I'm spending more and more time with Andy and the kids, that and that Andy always interrupts me while I'm writing here so I usually have to stop what I'm doing. And now, he's just came in so I'm going to finish there, I _will_ write soon.


	4. Whatever Way Our Stories End

[i]January 17th 2005.[/i]

Wow, my entries are getting further apart each time, anyway, I didn't write because Andy and I have been so damn busy…I really don't want us to part ever. Things have been so amazing with Andy, he's perfect for me, and apparently I'm perfect for him. I keep wondering about the kids though, mostly Ephram, he's never around, I keep thinking he never wants to be around me or Andy for that matter too, but I'm sure he's very busy with Madison too. Delia is just a doll, I really get along swell with her nowadays, she's befriended me and we totally bonded, I think the real reason is that I know how to reason with her!

[i]February 3rd 2005,[/i]

Today, something shocked me…Andy and I were talking about kids. Our kids…he wants to have kids with me? Wow, this man came out of a lucky bag or something! We were at the park with Delia, Brittany and Andy had promised Nina he would take Sam for the day, so they were all of playing, and he just turned to me, got this look in his eyes and just said, 'How many do you want?' I really had no idea of what he was talking about, I must have given him such an odd glance cause he then continued with just, 'Kids? How many?'

I really do love this man!

[i]April 17th 2005.[/i]

I'm dreading writing this. This started to get difficult these past few weeks. Not with Andy, he's been great so has Delia, but it was with work. A patient happened to find out about my…condition and they've reported me to the board. It doesn't look good. I don't want Harry to lose the license for the practise, it's been going for over forty years, it was dad's. Harry's said he's gonna fight the world and his wife on this for us. I've told him it's not worth it, and that's I've quit but he seems to have selective hearing. He's always been the same.

Andy doesn't know what to do, we've applied for adoption agencies and such. It's a busy time for us. I can't believe we're in love, so much. I don't believe we're building a new life together, after what happened to Julia and I can't believe I've found happiness with a once married man. Andy's just amazing. He keeps looking over, I think he knows I'm writing about him here. Yes. He does, he's coming over…

[i]April 22nd 2005.[/i]

Harry lost everything. The practise was shut down. The insurance claims were not up to date. Louise was supposed to fax them, she had forgotten. Rose had to agree with the committee and the lawyers board. I can't go over there. Rose keeps saying that Harry says he's lost me too, I want to tell him he hasn't. He would never lose me, not even in a snowstorm like when we were younger.

With this happening I keep seeing Andy getting further away from me, everyday…and I hear Ephram whispering things to him, being his guilty conscience on his shoulder. Delia's still oblivious to it, she knows something is wrong but she doesn't think it's as serious as it really is in reality. I want to tell her, I want her to understand, but it's not my place to do that.

But I know I have to leave.

Leave Everwood, travel away again. I can't be around the people I love, not when I know I'm getting more sick. I couldn't put those people through that, not with the results Rose has or with Ephram leaving to be in Manhatten and Madison taking his child with her. No. I cannot do it, it's not fair on them.

I have to let Andy know. I can't say it to his face though. Looking into his eyes, he'll make me stay and I'm not strong enough to do that. He's not strong enough to do it. If not his own sake, for Delia's, he can't make me stay, so I think a letter will have to surfice;

[right][i]'My dearest, Andy…

I'm sorry things have been going not as well as they could be as of late, but you know that there comes a time in everyone's life when it happens. For us, it's happened at the same time. You have to remain strong for your children, Andy. Promise me that. Promise. I know it may seem like I'm taking the easy route out of telling you but believe me, the pain coursing through my body right now is almost unbearable, I think it's the best way to do this. For everyone. I'm sorry my love.

Be strong and remember;

"I have carried out my endeavors with great passion... and cast aside the body that I loved."

I love you so much Andy, I wish Ephram luck in his studies, he's born to play that piano, he's gonna go far. Tell Delia I'm sorry but I'll always be with her, thinking of her. We're always going to be as good as frosting. I love you, always,

Linda.

X[/i][/right]

And that was it. That was how my story came to end. In Everwood at least. I heard through Bright that Amy and Ephram were meant for each other, and apparently so were Nina and Andy. Delia still asks for me. I miss them so much. But I know things had to end. In whatever way was best.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Apologies for this one being rather sad and stuff. My next Everwood one will be all good!


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